Air Vice Marshal Femi Gbadebo is the founder of Benola, a Cerebral Palsy Initiative and father of 24-year-old Olaoluwa, a fully dependent, non-verbal adult male living with cerebral palsy. He shares with Franktalknow.com his experience living with his son, who is the Face of Benola.
“ We have a young man born with cerebral palsy on 14th of June, 1996. The experience has been traumatic. For the first 12 years of his life, my wife managed him alone because I was constantly serving away from home in duty posts in places like Abuja, Kaduna, Makurdi and Yola. That was why, when I retired from Service in June 2008, I decided to stay fully with my son.
“Living with my son has taught me a lot about life, tolerance and the awesome power of God. Due to constant drooling, my son could only lie in one position for the better part of the first nine years of his life, flat on his chest; he couldn’t lie on his side or back until he had a surgery in India to correct the situation. As a result, he was always coming down with malaria and pneumonia, because the mosquitoes were either feasting on him as he couldn’t do anything to ward them off or the wetness from the towels on which he was drooling, would spread the wetness to his chest which left his chest wet.
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“Now, he can lie on his side, eat in a sitting position and our hospitals trips have greatly reduced. There were times when, because he could no longer be carried comfortably in the back of our car, I had to pay as much as N35, 000 for an ambulance to take him to the hospital, but now we thank God that, the need to call on doctors to see him at home has drastically reduced. My dear wife, who has constantly been learning on the job, can now manage most of his crisis and we are coping quite well.
“We don’t sublet the management of our child. If you are hands-on, you will learn a lot. I have been personally involved in the management of my son and that has been extremely helpful. It has changed my lifestyle. I now do a lot of things for him. Sometimes, there are procedures that I have to do for him, like changing his ‘Feeding Tube’ which I know is quite painful, but because he has absolute trust in me and knows I won’t deliberately hurt him and that whatever I am doing for him, is for his own good, he remains calm and takes it all in good faith. Another thing about him is that, he is always excited to see me back home, even when I return home late and all I can do is just to give him a hug and spend five minutes with him, he enjoys the time and in his own unique way, lets me know that he understands and it is okay.
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“I no longer go to parties. Whenever I go out, I make sure I come back home early. My wife and I manage our time and we make sure that at least one of us is around with him in addition to the nurses who care for him. His two senior brothers also assist in taking care of him which now gives me some respite. They treat their brother well and I believe it is because they see the way we handle him. So, to the average person, it is like they have no choice, but watching them feed, bathe and change his diapers, one can only leave with the satisfaction that they really do care for their brother. People say I’m a special dad, but really, it is all because of the wonderful people that I have around me.”
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On why he is a loving father to his son, he said, “For me, the first important thing in life is being accountable to your maker, your wife and children. Besides, when you understand life, you naturally tone down on certain things. You see, every child can learn, some just learn differently and to bring out the best in them, we have to come down to their level so we can engage them and slowly draw them up to where they are able to either join mainstream schooling or take off on their own. Laolu’s game changer is his smile. He blows beautiful kisses and loves music. He communicates his approval and throws tantrums if he doesn’t like something.
“Most importantly, a child is a gift from God. Once you accept them as God’s gift, you can then ask what He wants you to do with the gift. If I and my wife didn’t accept Olaoluwa (Our gift from God), I won’t be talking to you today; Indeed, it is a long journey.
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Getting medications, hiring full time carers and other expenses in making sure that Olaoluwa gets to live the best quality of life under the condition that they find themselves, costs a fortune, but the retired Instructor Pilot said, “It all depends on how you look at things. I am a retired two star general, thank God I get my pension and because I have cut down on my expenses like still using my 13 -year- old 40-inch television, we are coping. In life our values change with time. If I didn’t have a full-time Nurse taking care of Olaoluwa, I wouldn’t be able to spend hours with you on this interview. Such luxuries allow us respite and freedom to do other things and in His own unique way, God always meets us at our point of need.
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