Seven things all couples should know about each other

Your childhood, past relationships, and sexual desires are among the top seven things all couples should discuss together and know about each other.

Todd Baratz, a certified sex therapist from the US, revealed exactly what you should know about your significant other if you want a successful relationship.

‘I rarely use the word should, but you should know these things,’ he wrote on Instagram.

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‘Unfortunately few of us get any kind of relational education so most do not learn to have these conversations or feel safe enough to ask or answer.’

1. Childhood history

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Opening up about your childhood experiences can help your partner better understand you as a person.

As family relationships and friendships can impact who you are, it’s important to discuss these early development years.

‘The only relationships that directly parallel each other are the ones we have with our original caregivers and adult partners,’ Todd wrote on Instagram.

‘The more you know about each other’s history the better you can become at understanding triggers and navigating around or through conflict, disconnection, and therefore the easier it becomes to create repair.’

2. Relational history 

While most prefer to not ask about their partner’s relationship history, it can be a good conversation to have as you can learn what went wrong prior.

Todd recommends discussing your social, romantic, and sexual relationships.

‘From what worked, what didn’t work, and past challenges to lessons learnt, knowing each other’s relational past is crucial when building a relational future,’ he said.

This will not only benefit your partner but yourself as well to help better understand what hasn’t worked well in the past.

3. Love preferences

In addition to your love language, talk about your love preferences, which hone in on actions your partner can do to make you feel loved.

‘Everyone has a variety of different preferences for how they like to give and receive love. And don’t use broad categories like a love language,’ Todd wrote.

‘Explicitly state the words, actions, and experiences you crave that drive your closeness preferences.’

For instance, those with the love language ‘acts of service’ may enjoy it when their partner brings them a cup of tea or makes them dinner.

Or those whose love language is ‘words of affirmation’ may feel loved when their partner compliments their outfit.

‘Keep in mind that these preferences may change depending on the context, time of day, and more. This information is what it means to anticipate needs and provide care,’ Todd said.

4. Relational challenges

Couples should also know how they connect best and what challenges they often face with each other.

‘Be as open direct and honest as possible when it comes to your challenges with each other. Go through a list of triggers, frustrations, disappointments, and any other challenges that have arisen in the past, present or future,’ Todd said.

‘This isn’t the time to revisit conflict and attempt to resolve it. It’s about creating awareness, holding space, and normalising the challenges that may create conflict.